DUH!... LOSING!

Ace Ventura wants his hair back, and his tiger's blood.

EGO ALERT!  Authorities have begun the swift evacuation of Detroit after reports that Charlie Sheen's ego has escaped.  Reached for comment Detroit's chief of police, Warren C. Evans described the level of danger.  "The disaster was reported Saturday when Mr. Sheen was performing here in Detroit," Evans explained.  "Instead of a performance, Mr. Sheen dropped a bomb."
     According to witnesses at the scene, the bomb sent hundreds of spectators fleeing into the streets before the show ended.  Authorities worked quickly but have not been able to contain Sheen's ego.  Evacuations became necessary late Saturday when several of downtown Detroit's homeless were noticed showing signs of being infected by near lethal doses of Sheen's ego.  The ego exposures have caused several local homeless people to sport badly worn suits, unacceptable hair styles and display a crazy look in their eyes.
     At this time, it is unclear how much of Mr. Sheen's ego has been released into the general public or how many Detroit residents have been exposed.  Doctors warn that males are twice as likely as women to contract an ego like Mr. Sheen's and are pleading with men to practice getting over themselves as often as possible.  "You just can't be to careful," says Dr. I.M. Kidding of Detroit's Chemical Infections Clinic.  "This disaster has already caused bad hair, endless rants, drug dependency, loss of sanity and at least one train wreck!"