Rage Against Their Machine

#@8!?&%

     My wife and I decided to hit the road this Sunday to get a bit farther from our typical neighborhood haunts and find a different place to eat.  As we were heading for the freeway, a young man in a sort of low-rider wanna be bondo racer decided to tailgate me for about half a mile through a semi residential area.  Perhaps he thought my only going the speed limit was not male enough for him.  As I looked in my rear view mirrors, I could see him giving me "The stare".  You know, the angry "I'm a tough guy" look these dime store jaggoffs always feel is going to send you fleeing for another lane?  My wife describes guys like this as "The kind who walk around saying 'I just don't give a fuck' like its a good thing."  With his overly dramatic thug life persona, this guy fit the bill.

      At some point, the road broke off into two lanes and douche bag exhibit A decided to quickly dart around my car throwing be a "mad dog" look as he passes.  Now, for you males out there, this presented a challenge for me.  Here I had this scrawny little 18 year-old jackass trying to own me in retaliation for me doing nothing wrong.  Add to the irony the fact that I am a former U.S. Marine Close Combat Instructor being visually threatened by this schmuck and I couldn't resist.  I whipped my car into the lane to my right directly behind his and got right on his bumper.  At the light, I saw his eyes look at me from his rear view mirror and I put my arms up in the air as if to say "What!?"  I followed him closely for the next eight blocks or so giving him the real thousand yard stare.  The kind only an older man who will, in fact, go right through you can give.  He begins to look for a way off of the road.  He swerves left trying to evade me but an oncoming car blocked his escape.  He then swerves right to shoot for a quick turn but misses his window for that escape as well.  I see his eyes again and I am like a shark tasting blood.  After a short time, he finds a right turn and bolts down a road that was clearly not his intended route.
   
     At this point, I am loving me some me.  I feel vindicated for myself and I feel I have done this young turd a favor by illustrating for him a harsh reality.  If he is going to throw people threatening looks, he will eventually find a man who will wound his inner child.  I felt he had learned that lesson that day and that I had taught it to him while avoiding jail time.  The whole thing was my contribution to his future welfare.  Now he won't make that mistake again.  Right?  Right!  So, why do I feel like the worst coach ever?    

Some pretty decent insights from a sharp woman

DUH!... LOSING!

Ace Ventura wants his hair back, and his tiger's blood.

EGO ALERT!  Authorities have begun the swift evacuation of Detroit after reports that Charlie Sheen's ego has escaped.  Reached for comment Detroit's chief of police, Warren C. Evans described the level of danger.  "The disaster was reported Saturday when Mr. Sheen was performing here in Detroit," Evans explained.  "Instead of a performance, Mr. Sheen dropped a bomb."
     According to witnesses at the scene, the bomb sent hundreds of spectators fleeing into the streets before the show ended.  Authorities worked quickly but have not been able to contain Sheen's ego.  Evacuations became necessary late Saturday when several of downtown Detroit's homeless were noticed showing signs of being infected by near lethal doses of Sheen's ego.  The ego exposures have caused several local homeless people to sport badly worn suits, unacceptable hair styles and display a crazy look in their eyes.
     At this time, it is unclear how much of Mr. Sheen's ego has been released into the general public or how many Detroit residents have been exposed.  Doctors warn that males are twice as likely as women to contract an ego like Mr. Sheen's and are pleading with men to practice getting over themselves as often as possible.  "You just can't be to careful," says Dr. I.M. Kidding of Detroit's Chemical Infections Clinic.  "This disaster has already caused bad hair, endless rants, drug dependency, loss of sanity and at least one train wreck!"